


Into the Dark

by Urdnot Wrecks (touchstone2015)



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Control Ending, M/M, One Year Later, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 05:23:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4335530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/touchstone2015/pseuds/Urdnot%20Wrecks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard vanished the moment the Crucible fired.</p>
<p>A year later, Kaidan receives a message that convinces him that Shepard merged with the Reapers, and is still alive.<br/>And wants Kaidan to join him.</p>
<p>But is this a trap set by the Reapers?<br/>Or has Kaidan's mind finally buckled under the weight of loss?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into the Dark

The Normandy's a shadow of what she once was.  
She used to be one of the most exciting ships in the fleet; now, after the Crucible's firing, the forced landing on an unknown world, she's something else.  
The massive damage she suffered is patched up rather than repaired.

Kaidan's unsure why the ship is so neglected.  
Perhaps the mystery around Shepard's disappearance casts a shadow.  
Maybe the ship requires work that's simply too costly at a time when there's so little to spare of anything.  
Possibly folk are wary of EDI; an unshackled AI is something many organics are wary, even terrified, of.

EDI's still on board, of course; though her android body can leave the ship, she's tied to the servers Cerberus installed on the ship.  
And Joker will never leave EDI.

Kaidan too is a shadow of what he once was.  
Shepard's unexplained disappearance essentially sucked the life out of him.  
He's unsure whether he should stay on the Normandy, where the continual reminders of Shepard are both a blessing and a cause for weeping; but he thinks anywhere else would probably be worse.  
He doesn't drink these days; he knows he'd simply end up at the bottom of a bottle.  
The meds take the edge off the howling pain and loneliness.  
A little.

Anderson's gone, but Kaidan thinks that Hackett understands how things are, at least a little.  
He put Kaidan in charge of the Normandy, with its tiny crew of Joker and EDI.  
Much of the ship is uninhabitable, but there's space enough for so few of them.

And now that the Normandy's a forgotten ghost, it's a convenient ship for quiet diplomatic missions.  
Such as taking Garrus back from Rannoch.

In addition to the negotiations, of course, Garrus could meet Tali for the first time after the War.  
An advisor to the Turian Primarch having an affair with a Quarian admiral would be an intergalactic scandal.  
But love is rather little concerned with scandal.  
The Normandy provided the two of them with a neutral meeting ground for talks; and, more importantly, they could have time together in the Commander's quarters (Kaidan having retreated to his old haunt of Starboard Observation).

Kaidan asks Garrus how the meeting went.  
"Well the Quarians are doing well these days.  
The crops growing on Rannoch are supplementing the food from the Liveships, so there's now real food available in addition to... algal goop.  
Most of the Quarians are still in space, but those on Rannoch are breathing the natural air.  
There are even experimental communities of Quarians and Geth living together at the border.  
An enormous amount of bad blood to get through, of course; but the signs are encouraging."

"And Tali?"  
"So much better now she's on Rannoch; fresh food and fresh air have made her put on a little weight, and she looks so much healthier."

A pause.  
"She's the most beautiful thing in the entire universe."

Kaidan's never heard Garrus talk like this before; he leaves his words unsaid for fear of embarrassing him.

"It's certainly a long-distance relationship; but it's worth it."  
Almost a smile in Garrus' voice at that point.

\---

"You're not going to believe this Commander." Joker's voice, sounding like he doesn't believe it himself.  
"We have a signal from a Reaper vessel, requesting access to our comms room."

Astonishing.  
There's been no communication from the Reapers since they suddenly ceased their galaxy-wide attacks.  
And since Shepard disappeared.

Within a day of the Peace, the Reapers had started on the most urgent of the reconstruction work.  
But there's no explanation for what had happened.

Various theories abound.  
Perhaps Shepard negotiated a peace (although the Reapers had never listened to any organic before).  
Or perhaps the firing of the Crucible changed things.  
Or maybe the Reapers simply changed their minds.

More than a year later, their ships continue to repair the ravages of the war, but never communicate with the organic races.  
The working hypothesis is that the Reapers, having access to all communications (their massively advanced technology rendering any encryption system irrelevant), simply organise the work themselves according to the information they receive.  
By and large they work well: the mass relays are repaired; London is being rebuilt exactly as it was before the War; the Geth (with whom it seems the Reapers do communicate) are tasked with the movement of refugees.  
Of course the Reapers lack the touch of an organic; repairs aren't done for cultural or sentimental reasons; but that's a minor matter.  
But no organic has had contact from the Reapers.  
Until now.

"Er, and Sir: they want to talk to you. Alone."  
Kaidan struggles to cover his confusion and terror; but he's not fooling his friends.  
"Do we have a visual on the Reaper ship?" he asks Joker.  
"Vessel's far outside our detection range. How they're managing to produce a signal strong enough, without frying anything in their path; well it beats me."

A pause.

"Do you think they want to talk to you about Shepard?" asks Joker.  
So many rumours, so many conjectures, about what Shepard might have done with, or to, the Reapers.  
Or they to him.  
And to date, no answers.

"I simply don't know", says Kaidan.  
He can hardly bear the howling emotions in his head.  
"I'll talk to them."

He heads into the comms room, and the door shuts behind him.

\---

A hologram appears as usual.  
But rather than a Reaper image, it's something like Shepard.  
The scars, and the nick out of the fringe, are there.  
And the body moves, but more like an automaton than a human being.  
It's as if a cartoonist is animating a still image of Shepard.

"Kaidan."  
Kaidan has heard this word so many times from Shepard's lips.  
And he knows this is Shepard's voice; but he's not seeing the man in front of him.

Kaidan's reply is instant and instinctive.  
"Shepard."  
It's more of a sob than anything else.

Kaidan doesn't remember much about what happens next.  
But he finds himself lying on the floor in a foetal position.  
And there's a repeated sound.  
He finally works out that it's Shepard's voice calling his name.

"Kaidan... Kaidan."

Kaidan wipes his face on his sleeve, tries to pick himself up.  
"What have they done to you?"

"I don't really know. When Harbinger's beam hit me in London, everything changed.  
I have no idea of how I came here. I simply found myself here."

"Where are you?"  
"With the Reapers... the Old Machines... I... it's impossible to describe it to you."

"So you are alive? You're hearing this?"  
"I don't seem to breathe or have a heartbeat.  
But I still see and hear, yes. My other senses... are uncertain. But I remember them. I remember holding you. I remember the way you taste."

A pause.

"I wanted to talk to you before I go."

"This is the first time I could speak to you. I am gradually integrating with the Old Machines.  
Only at this level do I have the ability to communicate with the outside.  
And as I integrate more deeply, I will be unable to communicate at all.  
My personality will be shared amongst them.  
And I will control them fully."

Another pause, almost an embarrassed one.

"I wanted to ask you something while there is still time.  
I've tried hard not to ask you this.  
But I need to."

Kaidan somehow knows what is coming.

"I want... I need... you here with me.  
I realise that eternity is too long a time to be without you."

Kaidan is a mass of warring emotions.  
But somehow in the midst of all this, his heart leaps, and he knows what he must say.

"Shepard... I'll join you. Just tell me how."

For a moment, Shepard seems more machine-like.  
"We'll send coordinates to your omni-tool. Be at the designated time and place."  
But then he adds, "I love you, Kaidan."

Darkness and silence.

\---

It's some time before Kaidan is able to say anything to his friends about what happened, or indeed anything at all.  
Oddly it's Joker (who is not a people person, or so he says) who manages to get him to talk.  
"So, Commander, do I report you to the top brass for passing Alliance secrets to the Reapers?"  
"Very funny."  
Well at least Kaidan's said something, and it's as if a dam bursts; he tells them everything.

"You're shitting me. You're seriously going to let them take you? They'd make you into yet another husk."  
"Joker, I've got no idea what's waiting for me. But if there is a chance that Shepard, or some bit of him, is in there, then my place is with him."

Ever the Turian, Garrus is cool and detached.  
"Kaidan, we know that the Collectors went round collecting genetically 'interesting' specimens for the Reapers.  
How do you know that they aren't going to collect you too?  
It's exactly the sort of ploy I'd have tried in their position."

But Kaidan shakes his head.  
"You're right; but there's something that tells me that Shepard's in there somehow.  
And if he has control over the Reapers, then he'll keep me safe. He always has."

EDI is logical and well-informed as ever.  
"Commander, there is no data indicating a successful merging of organic and synthetic life-forms.  
It is true that Shepard once joined a Geth consensus; but this was simply a transient link.  
I calculate a high probability that you will not survive any attempt permanently to link yourself with a life form like the Reapers."

Kaidan has an answer for this too.  
"Shepard was always doing things that everyone thought of as impossible.  
If anyone can pull this off, he can: if he's been successful merging himself with the Reapers, then I have a chance."

Garrus seems to be getting more humorous these days.  
"Tali's going to be really pissed about this. She would kill to merge with the Reapers and get her hands on all that tech."

It's clear there's no changing Kaidan's mind.  
Kaidan himself is unsure of the outcome; but if there's even the slightest chance he can be with Shepard, he will be.

There's one thing he needs to clarify: "How do I stop you all being court-martialled? The top brass will accuse you of letting me defect to the Reapers."

EDI calmly has the answer for this.  
"Joker and Garrus can simply say they have no knowledge of what happened.  
I cannot do that: but I can store all the data concerning the mission to some hardware which Joker can disconnect.  
So the knowledge will be unavailable to me, just as when Cerberus prevented me knowing certain things by blocking hardware access."

A pause.  
"I have one thing to add," says EDI.  
"If the Normandy is in range of a Reaper ship, I will collect so much data that its absence will easily be noted.  
I suggest you take the shuttle to meet the ship."

So it's agreed: Garrus will take Kaidan in a shuttle to the Reaper coordinates.  
Joker will head for bed; EDI will dump all the data about this mission to hardware that Joker will disconnect.  
The shuttle's computer is easily wiped.  
Joker and Garrus will lie when they are asked if they know what happened; EDI simply won't know.  
Another mystery disappearance to add to Shepard's.

It's eleven hours until the rendezvous with the Reapers.

\---

Just before he leaves, Kaidan visits Joker at the bridge.  
Joker wonders if he should shake Kaidan's hand, or even hug him, as it's the last human contact he'll ever have.  
But he's not a people person. And he doesn't know what to say.  
So he hauls himself out of his chair, and stands as well as he can, and salutes.

Garrus pilots the shuttle to Shepard's coordinates, arriving a few minutes early.  
There's silence; as the time approaches, Garrus says, "So you think they're going to show?"  
But the Reaper ship materialises next to them as he speaks.  
It's like no ship they've ever seen, and so huge they can't see the full extent of it; it can't be much smaller than a moon.

Just before he opens the airlock for Kaidan, Garrus says, "Tell Shepard an old friend sends his regards."  
Kaidan nods, but it's hard to read his expression through his space-suit helmet.  
The waste air from the airlock launches him towards the Reaper ship.  
The comm lights stay green, but no-one speaks.

Garrus watches as Kaidan heads away.  
All that he can really see is the lights on Kaidan's space-suit falling on the Reaper ship.  
A dark portal opens up in its side, and Kaidan disappears inside it, the light from his suit snuffed out.  
There's a pause for a fraction of a second.  
Then the entire Reaper ship shimmers and disappears.

\---

Ten years have passed.  
And the Reapers are still silent.  
And wild rumours continue to circulate about what happened to Shepard, although most people prefer to concentrate on everyday life these days.  
Garrus and Joker still wonder what might have happened to Kaidan.

Did the Reapers simply want Kaidan, as a husk, or as genetic material, or as something else?  
Did he assimilate into the Reaper consciousness and join what remained of Shepard there?  
Or had Kaidan's mind finally given way under the weight of grief?

Garrus still ponders this.  
When he's alone, and raising a bottle to his mouth, as often as not he'll toast Shepard and Kaidan.  
He still doesn't know what happened.  
But he knows that Kaidan loved Shepard as much as he loves Tali.  
And he knows that if Tali was the one who was with the Reapers, he'd have done what Kaidan did, too.

**Author's Note:**

> This has taken a long time to write! I wrote an earlier version; had a heavy dose of Real Life(TM); then my muse went on strike; then I thought it wasn't worth publishing; then my muse finally came back with this.
> 
> Many thanks to potionsmaster for the encouragement to keep writing!


End file.
